tender mercies

I was writing in my personal journal the other day, coming home on the plane, and I started to list what I consider the "tender mercies" surrounding Dad's passing. What do I mean by that? There have been some very real realizations that have come that have brought great comfort. Elder David A. Bednar identifies the "tender mercies," described in 1 Nephi, with this: "A loving Savior was sending me a most personal and timely message of comfort and reassurance." 

This happened to us. It happened to me, and I think to Mom, in the two weeks we were together.

Of course I'm not HAPPY about Dad passing; I wasn't ready for it and I go back and forth being mad and angry about it. It's my journey along the stages of grief. Unfortunately, the final stage is acceptance... where we realize this was all part of the plan and we're somewhat able to accept that it has happened and move forward.

In considering the "plan," I've realized how, in fact, the Lord had a hand in the final months and moments of Dad's life, and for that we should be very grateful.

• I got to see Dad in June. THANK GOODNESS I got to see Dad in June. Mom & Dad had thought about coming in November or earlier, but they put off their trip and in reality, they came at the perfect time. Those memories of my dad are so fresh. Every time I turn on the light in my laundry room or the ceiling fan in my room, or I plug my phone into that cool USB plug, I think of him. I'm so glad he was here and we got to have late night talks and I heard more of his wisdom and felt his love.

• I feel like the fact that Grandma Twining died just on July 23, 2014, was a miracle in timing. Dad was able to attend the funeral -- Sidney and Kurt and cousins and Grandma and everyone (except me!) was able to attend the funeral. They all got to see Dad and touch him, hug him, look into his eyes, hear his voice, everything, merely weeks before his own passing. I feel like the timing for Grandpa going was not a coincidence. You know what? I think Dad would say the same thing. He always said there was no such thing as coincidence.

• Mom has said that Dad didn't get the chance to serve a mission in this life, and his time serving as Ward Mission Leader taught him so well how to be a missionary. Serving in that calling was literally the culminating act of his life. I imagine him on the other side, teaching people the gospel. He was such a good example of missionary work, and he believed in simple and kind acts of service. He was a great man, and I know he continues to do good.

• I think about the circumstances around Dad's death. He had made it to Atlanta, so he was in a city. He had spent the afternoon with the missionaries, just laughing and visiting and chatting. I'm so grateful that when it happened, Brad and Mom were there. They were there so 1) Dad wouldn't be alone, but also 2) each of them wouldn't be alone. Brad was there to support Mom, really. I'm so grateful Brad was there. I'm so grateful Mom wasn't alone. I know it was probably the hardest thing for Brad to do, but he did a great service to me and Kurt by being there to support Mom through this big event.

• Mom & Dad didn't have health insurance. Can you imagine what a long, drawn out disease or hospital stay or ordeal would have ended up costing them? What the fees would have taken out of the accounts Mom has left over to support her for the rest of her life? We should be grateful it was quick and sudden, because financially that is truly a blessing. Similarly, Mom had said that Dr. Merrill said it was probably relatively painless.

• Would you find it interesting that Mom had to order 15+ official copies of the death certificate, and in the State of Maryland a certified copy costs $22. Guess how much a certified copy in Georgia costs? $5. It was like Dad was looking out for Mom's bottom line all along. That amounts to a  $255 savings.

• Dad also wouldn't have wanted a huge fuss. Had he been on life support or in the hospital for ages, he just wouldn't have wanted us to agonize over it. He knew the plan, he didn't believe in coincidences. He probably was just fine about going to the next world with less pain and suffering. 

There's another quote I really love... it's by Richard C. Edgley, and here is what he says:

"There are few of us, if any, who don’t walk the refiner’s fire of adversity and despair, sometimes known to others but for many quietly hidden and privately endured. Most of the heartache, pain, and suffering we would not choose today. But we did choose. We chose when we could see the complete plan. We chose when we had a clear vision of the Savior’s rescue of us. And if our faith and understanding were as clear today as it was when we first made that choice, I believe we would choose again."

I really love this. I imagine us all in heaven in the premortal realm, and we were just happy being together, and the Lord told us that He'd need Dad back sooner rather than later. We probably weren't happy about it, we were probably surprised, but we chose anyway. I said, "OK, I'll take the 33 years I'll get, and I suppose that will have to do." I said that. I chose anyway. I chose knowing it would be this hard and this awful to lose him. Mom chose. We all chose anyway. 

That's been an interesting thought for me to have, and I wanted to share it with you, my family. I'm so grateful for the tender mercies I've seen. I really miss him. I think of Dad every day, all the time. Going back to "real life" has been hard since it's NOT my real life. My real life includes my Dad.

If you have seen other tender mercies, please share them. As much as I'm not happy about it, I believe it was part of the plan, and the Lord essentially set this up so we could be comforted.

I pray for more peace.